


Don't Doubt It

by golden_kimono



Series: We Got Us [2]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Multi, Past Himchan/Jongup/Junhong, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 08:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3480866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_kimono/pseuds/golden_kimono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had learned to accept it through telling himself Himchan simply had a lot of love to give, but eventually he had given up on trying to justify something that didn’t need to be justified.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Doubt It

Initially, Yongguk had thought himself silly for getting worked up over something as small as _feeling something_. So there was an attraction to Daehyun. Of course there was, he wouldn’t have agreed to sleep with him in the first place if he hadn’t been the slightest bit attracted to him; it didn’t mean anything greater than that.

And at first things had been fine, even with Daehyun joining them more often, because he added a bit of spice to their sex life, was eager and passionate, and willing to take on any role neither Yongguk nor Himchan wished to fulfil. Then Daehyun started hanging out with them before or after sex, to eat with them or watch TV, which eventually turned into the sex sometimes becoming completely irrelevant.

And it wasn’t like Himchan was no longer enough for him. They still had their private moments, where they drank wine and listened to one of Yongguk’s records on the balcony, or had long conversations about political issues or alien life, but gradually Daehyun had managed to even worm his way into those, until they seemed to be sharing everything together, to the point where Yongguk, for one, genuinely missed him when he wasn’t there. And he was fairly certain Himchan felt the same way, considering how he’d invite him over randomly sometimes when it was just the two of them, clearly not seeing anything wrong with it.

And it wasn’t that Yongguk thought something was _wrong_ , per se, but it was something he hadn’t experienced before. He knew Himchan was different from him in that sense: he had been open about being polyamorous from the moment they started dating. It had taken Yongguk quite some time to get used to it and he had kept his distance as he tried to figure out how he felt about it. Luckily Himchan had been both patient and persistent, assuring him he’d never go behind his back and that it didn’t mean he loved him any less. He had learned to accept it through telling himself Himchan simply had a lot of love to give, but eventually he had given up on trying to justify something that didn’t need to be justified.

Yongnam had asked him once what he’d do if Himchan were to ever tell him he had feelings for someone else as well, to which Yongguk had answered that they’d cross that bridge when – and if – they ever came to it.

Ironically, he had never expected to be the one in this position, never seen polyamory as an option for himself, and now here he was, having feelings for two men at once and not wanting to lose either of them. He knew he needed to talk to Himchan about it, because even if nothing were to happen with Daehyun, there was a chance that he’d find himself in a similar situation in the future. And he knew Himchan would understand, if he didn’t know about Yongguk’s feelings already; after all, he had always known Yongguk almost better than Yongguk knew himself.

It wasn’t something he still considered unusual, but he hadn’t thought it would ever happen to _him_ , which was why he was having such a hard time accepting it. He glanced at his phone and, upon realising that Daehyun would be here in a few hours, decided now was as good a time as any to talk this over with Himchan.

He made his way over to the bathroom and pushed open the door, waving a hand in front of his face when the steam from inside hit him. Himchan was facing away from him in the shower, washing his arms, and Yongguk took a moment to admire him from the back, gazing at his thick thighs and wondering not for the first time how the other could possibly not love his body, because he had always found him beautiful, sexy, never fully understanding how the other saw himself.

Himchan turned around and raised his eyebrows when he spotted him, grinning and moving aside to make room in their small shower. “Want to join me?”

Oh, Yongguk definitely did, but he didn’t think now was the time. He shook his head and ignored Himchan’s confused expression, instead looking down at the floor and biting his lip as he tried to assemble his words.

“It’s Daehyun.”

Himchan’s facial expression turned neutral as he regarded Yongguk for a few moments before rinsing himself off and carefully stepping out of the shower. He accepted the towel Yongguk handed him and wrapped it around his hips, then leaned against the sink and crossed his arms.

“You like him, don’t you?”

Yongguk half-shrugged and nodded in reply.

“I thought you did,” Himchan said with a soft smile. “And I can’t blame you: he’s handsome and charming, and we have been spending plenty of time together.” He turned serious and tilted his head, staring at Yongguk intently, the slight tremble in his voice not going unnoticed when he continued speaking. “The question is: where does that leave me?”

Yongguk watched a drop of water slide down Himchan’s collarbone, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to make sense of the question. Himchan sighed and rubbed his arms as he explained himself.

“You always said you couldn’t be in love with more than one person, remember? So unless that has changed…”

Resisting the urge to laugh – he didn’t think Himchan would take very kindly to that – Yongguk instead shook his head. Out of all the scenarios he had contemplated, Himchan thinking he’d be shoved aside had never been one of them. He tugged Himchan forward and pressed his nose against the other’s neck, his shirt growing damp from the other’s wet body. “Like I’d ever let you go,” he mumbled fondly as he squeezed him close.

Himchan snorted and pushed him back, his lips curled up in satisfaction. “You’d be an idiot if you did,” he teased, although Yongguk couldn’t help but quietly agree. “Let me get dressed and then we can discuss what we want to do.”

Yongguk nodded, his eyes automatically falling down to Himchan’s towel when the other reached for it. He blinked when Himchan slapped his chest.

“Okay, no, none of that,” his boyfriend scolded as he shoved him towards the door. “There’ll be plenty of time for that later, I promise, but we need to talk first. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

He supposed Himchan had a point, so Yongguk decided not to complain when the door slammed shut behind him and instead wandered into their bedroom, where he rifled through his drawers to see if there was another shirt he could change into, preferably one Himchan actually approved of before he was scolded for his fashion sense again.

So this was it. They were about to discuss something that would greatly change their relationship, no matter what their decision on Daehyun – and, if relevant, Daehyun’s verdict – might be. This was a step Yongguk had never expected they’d take at his initiative, or perhaps ever at all, but now that the time was here, it seemed… right.

“You know, if you’re trying to seduce me, you’re doing a good job.”

Yongguk jumped and looked to Himchan, who was leaning against the doorframe and watching a half-naked Yongguk try to choose what to wear next. Chuckling, Yongguk pulled a simple black shirt over his head before sinking down on the bed, his heart pounding in anticipation.

Himchan soon sat down beside him and gently placed his fingers on Yongguk’s wrist. “Have you given any thought to what you’d like to do?”

Yongguk shook his head. “I was hoping you’d have an idea,” he admitted.

“I’m not making this decision for us.” Yongguk didn’t need to look over to know there was a scowl on Himchan’s face. “This isn’t about picking curtains or deciding what to have for dinner, this is something that affects us both much, much more than that. I know this is new to you, but I’m not an expert, and even if I was, I’d still want you to have a say in this.”

Yongguk wasn’t even surprised that Himchan understood why he had wanted to rely on him. He was scared. Scared he’d make the wrong decision and somehow insult Himchan, scared Daehyun would run off in the other direction as fast as possible, scared that he’d ruin everything.

“Why don’t you tell me what you feel for him?” Himchan asked, his tone softer and his fingers moving to tangle with Yongguk’s, providing him with the support and comfort he needed right now.

“I guess…” Yongguk paused and weighed his words carefully, unsure of how to express himself. “What I feel for you. Not as strong, not yet, but over time I think it would be. If I got the chance, that is.”

Himchan hummed and leaned against Yongguk heavily. “It’s the same for me. He’s more than a friend, and I certainly wouldn’t mind him being more officially. I hadn’t brought it up earlier because I’m selfish.” He grinned sheepishly when Yongguk turned his head to look at him. “You have feelings for Daehyun. I was aware of that. But as I said, I didn’t know where I stood and I didn’t want to be left on my own.”

Yongguk stroked the small of Himchan’s back and pressed a kiss to his hair. “You never would be,” he promised, receiving a pleased hum for his efforts.

“Then the next question,” Himchan continued after a moment’s silence. “Would we be able to be in a relationship with him?”

To be honest, Yongguk felt they already were. Daehyun hung out with them – as friends do – and slept with them – as fuck buddies do – but he also cuddled with them and whatever they were had grown far beyond mere friendship. He told Himchan so, making him laugh softly.

“I agree, but acting like you’re in a relationship and actually admitting you are, those are two different things. It’s probably safe to say Daehyun is interested in us, but whether he’s willing to be committed is something else.”

“What if he’s disgusted by us?” Yongguk finally voiced one of his main concerns. Granted, he hadn’t felt disgust when Himchan told him he wasn’t monogamous, merely confusion and, admittedly, a struggle of acceptance, but who was to say Daehyun would be the same?

Himchan scoffed. “Then he’d be a hypocrite. By now he knows very well that you and I are together, yet he has no qualms sharing our bed. He may need time, which I’m fine with, as I am with him rejecting us, but I will not be fine with him treating us like freaks. But he won’t.” He kissed the corner of Yongguk’s mouth. “Have some faith in him.”

\---------------

By the time Daehyun arrived, the two had agreed to speak to him about it tonight, because there really wasn’t any reason not to. Yongguk had worried that, should Daehyun react badly, he’d spread stories around at work, but Himchan had told him those wouldn’t make Daehyun look good either; and hadn’t he just told him to have faith in the man?

Yongguk fiddled with his fingers when Daehyun stepped inside, greeting Himchan with a deep kiss, and, as he watched Daehyun grasp at Himchan’s shirt, he dared to wonder for the first time what it would be like if Daehyun did agree to be part of them. After breaking the kiss, Himchan lightly tapped Daehyun on the ass and told him to sit down with Yongguk as he got them some drinks, something the other man promptly did, although he eyed Yongguk almost nervously when he took his seat beside him.

It was like that a lot: Daehyun seemed to find it much easier to be openly affectionate with Himchan, or at least with Himchan there with them, which, according to his boyfriend, was because he probably intimidated Daehyun a bit. “But not in a bad way.” (Yongguk wasn’t entirely sure how anyone could be intimidating in a good way, but he had been told something similar before, so he had decided to simply accept is as truth.)

“You can say hello to him too, you know,” Himchan called out over his shoulder before he stepped into the kitchen.

Daehyun looked almost shy as he glanced over at Yongguk, who offered him a small smile and leaned in slowly, eyes on Daehyun’s face to make sure this was okay with him. Apparently that small gesture was enough encouragement, because the next thing Yongguk knew, Daehyun was sighing against his mouth before kissing him softly, his hands on Yongguk’s biceps. When they broke apart, Daehyun’s ears were red, his eyes turned up like crescents.

“Hello,” he said almost breathlessly.

Yongguk grinned and squeezed Daehyun’s waist, uncertain when his hands had wandered down there. “Hey.”

“He likes it as much as I do,” Himchan confided in Daehyun as he placed their drinks on the table. “I know it doesn’t always look like it, but just because he’s not usually the one to start things doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy it when someone else does.” As if to prove his point, he bent down to catch Yongguk’s lips in a kiss, moaning when Yongguk took the opportunity to slide his hands up the back of Himchan’s legs.

“Tease,” he grumbled as he pulled away, the smirk on his face showing he wasn’t even remotely annoyed.

Yongguk smiled back and pulled Himchan down on his lap, his hands groping his boyfriend’s thighs. “You like it.” He received a confirming hum and a kiss to his jaw in reply and then Himchan was leaning back, his eyes seeking out Daehyun’s.

“When he knows he can get away with it, he takes the initiative almost too often,” he said solemnly.

Daehyun laughed and shook his head. “You’re probably the first person to tell me how to seduce his boyfriend.”

Himchan and Yongguk exchanged a look. “Maybe I want you to seduce him,” Himchan said slowly, his eyes back on Daehyun. “And not just when we have sex.” When Daehyun merely looked puzzled, Himchan climbed off Yongguk’s lap and squeezed himself between the two of them, his hands on Daehyun’s knees as he spoke to him seriously. “What if we wanted you for more than sex? What if being friends isn’t enough?”

Daehyun’s eyes flickered towards Yongguk over Himchan’s shoulder, as though he was hoping one of them would say “just kidding!” but when they both remained silent, Daehyun swallowed hard and shifted away from them both.

“What exactly are you saying?” he asked uncomfortably.

“We like you,” Himchan replied honestly. “Love you. We want to be with you, both of us do, but not casually, not anymore. I understand that this is probably overwhelming and we don’t expect you to be able to make up your mind immediately, but-”

“How would that even work?” Daehyun interrupted him. “You can’t be a couple when more than two people are involved. That’s not, that’s…”

“It’s not conventional, no,” Himchan admitted. “But it’s not impossible. And, Daehyunnie, technically not much would change between us.”

“ _Everything_ would change!” Daehyun got up and rubbed his head, and Yongguk thought they might have made a horrible mistake in bringing this up. “You’re asking me to be your boyfriend. That’s very different from sex and- and from everything else we’ve done. It _means_ something else now.”

He looked at the both of them desperately and Yongguk wished they could take it back, although he knew this needed to be shared, or it would only be worse for all of them in the long run. 

“I need to think,” Daehyun said, so softly that they could barely hear him.

“We understand,” Himchan replied, clearly resisting the urge to go over and comfort him. “Take your time.”

After Daehyun left, it took some time before Himchan managed to assure Yongguk that it would all be okay.

\---------------

For a while after that, their communication with Daehyun was limited to polite greetings and questions relating to work, but there was no indication whether he had thought things over, whether his view had changed, nothing. Most people didn’t seem to notice or care much, although Youngjae had approached both Yongguk and Himchan to ask if they had had a fight with Daehyun, because he “knew they were close”. Evidently he had also tried to ask Daehyun about it, but the other had claimed nothing was wrong, something Yongguk and Himchan were quick to emphasise as well, although Yongguk doubted Youngjae believed a word of it.

He was happy that Daehyun wasn’t on his own, at least, seeing how he hadn’t been that sociable with anyone in the company apart from them, and Youngjae was a good friend to have. That didn’t really soothe him whenever he saw Daehyun avoid his eyes, though, and he… well, he _missed_ him. Himchan did too, but they had agreed to give Daehyun all the space he needed, and Yongguk of all people could relate to the other’s dilemma.

One day, about four, five weeks since their conversation, Yongguk had the shock of his life when Daehyun approached him after a meeting, the two of them being the last to leave the room.

“I don’t have an answer yet,” was the first thing he said, “but… you didn’t say much that night. I want to know how you feel about it.”

“Himchan spoke for both of us,” Yongguk answered, trying not to be too hopeful over Daehyun taking this step. “We both care for you and want to be with you. I know it’s not the most accepted type of relationship, but nothing about our situation is, to be frank.”

When Daehyun appeared thoughtful instead of panicked, Yongguk thought it safe to continue. “This is new to me too,” he admitted, Daehyun’s eyes immediately locking onto his curiously. “Himchan… He knew he was polyamorous long before we met, but this is the first time I’m experiencing it. It took me some time to adjust when he first told me, and I understand that it’s no easier for you, really.”

Daehyun sighed and chewed on his lip, looking more than conflicted. “It’s… I don’t know if I can do this. What if you decide you don’t love me after all?”

Yongguk chuckled, shaking his head. “No, we definitely do,” he said warmly. He doubted he would’ve taken things this far otherwise; he wasn’t really someone to do things rashly, and Himchan had always understood his own feelings well. “I love Himchan more than anything in the world, and although my feelings for you aren’t there yet, they could be. These things take time.”

“What if you love one of us more? Or Himchan does? Or I do?”

Unsure whether it was a good thing that Daehyun was asking all these questions (they showed interest, but he also seemed to be looking for reasons to decline; which was fair enough, true, but it made Yongguk’s heart sink a little), Yongguk thought of one of Himchan’s previous relationships. Most of his love interests hadn’t understood his sexuality and he had admitted to usually being in open relationships that weren't so much open as they were used as a free pass by his partner to do what they wanted, misunderstanding Himchan's intentions. And that was if he was even seeing anyone at all, but back in university he had been in a similar relationship to what this could be.

Jongup and Junhong, those were the names of his boyfriends back then. The three of them had done well, until one day Himchan returned from an exchange trip abroad to find that the two others had stronger feelings for each other than for him. Somehow, there had been no hard feelings, and they had even remained friends (Yongguk had only met them once, feeling too uncomfortable to do so again afterwards).

“That’s not impossible,” he confessed, watching how Daehyun’s lips turned down in disappointment. “But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s… like any other relationship, I guess. And as Himchan said: it won’t be that different from now. You’ll just be able to come see us whenever you want, and we can be more affectionate, and… Well, be in a relationship.” Yongguk felt like he wasn’t doing a very good job explaining things, but Daehyun laughed, so perhaps he wasn’t doing too badly. “It’s not like the three of us will need to be together all the time, or like you can’t do something with just one of us. You know?” He really hoped Daehyun did know, because Yongguk had no clue what he was saying anymore, except that it was all the truth; this was exactly why he had let Himchan do all the talking before.

“I still need to think,” Daehyun said carefully. “But thank you for talking to me.” He gathered his things and paused in the doorway, glancing over at Yongguk. “What happens if I say no?”

Yongguk shrugged. “Then we go back to being friends. Or simply colleagues, if that’s what you prefer. We’re not going to force you into anything you don’t want. And remember,” he said as he tucked his folders under his arm, “you can take all the time you need to think this over. I did.”

Later that night, he recounted the entire conversation to a disgruntled Himchan, who, despite his disappointment that Daehyun hadn’t spoken to him yet, was nonetheless happy that he had chosen to approach one of them and gather more information, so to speak.

“It shows he’s intrigued, if nothing else, and that he doesn’t think we’re too weird.” He smiled widely and kissed Yongguk’s cheek before rolling over on top of him. “See, I told you to believe in him.”

\---------------

Yet, for a while it seemed as though the conversation had never taken place, with Daehyun holding up the barrier that had formed between them, although he did appear to have become friendlier and he certainly seemed more relaxed. Still, it was only several weeks later that there was finally a knock on their door.

Himchan had been the one to answer it, while Yongguk was grabbing some snacks from the kitchen. Himchan’s surprised “Daehyun?” had him hurrying out into the front room, snacks forgotten on the counter, indeed finding a bashful-looking Daehyun outside their flat.

“Before I agree, I have a few questions,” he blurted out as Himchan ushered him inside.

“Of course, what is it?” Himchan enquired carefully as they all say down, with Daehyun taking a seat on the edge of their armchair.

“What would we tell people? About us, I mean?”

Himchan shrugged and glanced over at Yongguk before replying. “Nothing, because it’s none of their business. Unless they ask, but it depends on what everyone is comfortable with. I know Yongguk’s parents have a hard enough time accepting me, let alone you as well, so we probably won’t tell them, but if you’re okay with it, I might tell mine.”

“My brother and sister won’t mind,” Yongguk added. Yongnam would need some adjusting, perhaps, but in the end he understood it wasn’t about him, and Natasha had always been supportive. Besides, she adored Himchan, and he was sure she’d love Daehyun as well once she got to know him.

Daehyun nodded, almost absent-mindedly, and took a deep breath. “I think I want to keep it private, for now, if that’s okay.” Before Yongguk could ask him what he meant by that, Daehyun ploughed on. “And… What about dating other people? I mean…” Daehyun sighed in frustration and frowned. “I don’t know.”

“Our rule is that if we have feelings for someone, we talk it over,” Himchan answered, smiling reassuringly to show Daehyun he hadn’t said anything wrong. “And we decide where we go from there. We won’t sneak around, if that’s what you mean, and we expect you to show us the same courtesy.”

Daehyun bit his lip contemplatively and looked between the two of them. Even though Yongguk had resigned himself to the idea that Daehyun might not be up to it – relationships were hard enough with only one other person, add in a couple, an established one at that, and it must be even more difficult; he could understand his apprehension very well – he couldn’t help but be anxiously hopeful. Judging by Himchan’s fingers digging into his thigh, he wasn’t the only one.

“Okay.”

Himchan relinquished his grip as Yongguk’s shoulders sagged in relief. “Okay?”

Licking his lips and gazing at the floor, Daehyun nodded in confirmation. “I’ve missed you.” He lifted his head and smiled sheepishly, looking younger than he was, reminding Yongguk of the innocent boy he had once thought him to be.

Himchan scooted over and patted the space between him and Yongguk, Daehyun’s eyes lighting up as he moved seats, the warmth of his leg pressing against Yongguk’s. Himchan was quick to nuzzle his neck, making Daehyun squirm, while Yongguk was still processing what had occurred. Daehyun had agreed, had consented to being their lover, their boyfriend, whatever anyone wanted to name it. There was no backing out now; not that Yongguk had any desire to.

If anyone had told him five years ago that he would be in a threeway relationship some day, he would’ve scoffed, but now that the time had come, he almost wished they had done this sooner (almost, because he knew very well he hadn’t been ready before). Grinning, he placed his arm around Daehyun’s waist, the other man smiling up at him contently. When he looked over to Himchan, he was gazing at him knowingly, fondly, and he wondered how he could have ever regarded this as wrong.

“What do we do now?” Daehyun asked after some moments, sounding hesitant.

“Well,” Himchan said as he bent forward and grabbed the remote off the table, “we were going to watch a film and Yongguk was about to get us food and drinks. Care to join?”

Daehyun nodded at that and both men turned to Yongguk expectantly. With a deep sigh, he got to his feet to head into the kitchen. “Is this what it will be like from now on?” Yongguk grumbled.

“Don’t worry, the rewards will be worth it,” Himchan said with a smirk, lightly kicking Yongguk’s butt when he walked past.

“You two are lucky I love you,” Yongguk proclaimed when he returned with his hands full, dumping everything on the coffee table before sitting down and opening a can of beer, leaving the other two to grab their own.

Daehyun nestled against him when he had gotten comfortable, a drink in one hand, a handful of crisps in the other. “We are.”

The soft, earnest tone made Yongguk smile down at the fluffy hair. He slung his arm around Daehyun and slouched in his seat, allowing the other to rest his head on his shoulder, his fingers grasping at Yongguk’s jeans.

“Shh, it’s starting!” Himchan threw a leg over Daehyun’s and took a sip from his drink, eyes on the TV screen.

Yongguk smiled and lightly touched Himchan’s arm with his fingertips. Although he was willing to bet things wouldn’t always remain this calm and peaceful, that they had plenty of storms ahead of them, he was grateful for this moment. Perhaps they could actually make this work.

**Author's Note:**

> And so they seem happy~ It's part of series, so storms will definitely follow.


End file.
